So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
