i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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