I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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