took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
