Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
