why didn't you poke me back
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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