i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i drank out of a bidet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
