dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
