I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
