The maid of honor just puked.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
