Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
