Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
