You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
