I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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