I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
