IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am mentally ready for anal.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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