a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize