His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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