i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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