Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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