i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
