I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
