Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
