Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
