He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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