If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
