try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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