All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
