the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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