Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
