do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
