How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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