I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
