Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
