That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
