OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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