she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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