I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
