Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
