A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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