she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
