i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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