she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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