i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
