New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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