He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
