Your tits are I can't wait for
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
