420 ftw
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
