i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
