I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
