I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
