Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
