That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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