i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
