Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
