R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
whose ass print is on the piano?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
