tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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