she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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