ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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