i already hear my dad disowning me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
