i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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