So drunk its hurt
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
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